fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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