The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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