Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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