I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
