I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
