Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
