I met the friendliest cop last night
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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