I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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