That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
