Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
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