After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
