He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
