I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
