Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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