dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
