You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
