the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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