I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
