Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
