Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
