I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
