i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
