how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she smelled like a LAN party
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
