If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
