Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
