I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
