Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
