i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
a search helicopter?!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Never underestimate the power of titties
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