There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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