a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
