God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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