Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
