i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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