Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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