I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
