could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
