everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
