He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
