I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
