went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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