conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
