her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Couch. On fire.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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