Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
