it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
