I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
