omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
