nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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