sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
