Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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