go do what you do best...puke behind churches
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
