Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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