You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
