A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
